My Photo, My Life

Photo As Metaphor

This photo is so metaphoric for where my head’s been at lately. Reflecting. Looking at things right side up – then them over to change my perspective. Feeling a bit murky, but upon looking closer noticing the patterns, interesting colors and mood woven into my life. Light right behind the murk, lending its ever-present glow to everything it touches; sending out quiet beams of brilliance. For all the murk… clarity. Order. Beauty. Stuff to see below the surface. Quiet. Calm. And for the way it “just so happened” that I was here for this moment… the element of miracles and delightful surprises.

Going Deep

I’ve been going deep lately. Looking inward honestly, being willing to accept what I discover there. I’ve chosen “Living Life in the Miraculous” as my tagline for this year… and that means a shift from what others and my conditionally-trained brain say to what my unconditional heart knows. It’s been a revelation so far and it’s only February!

This is mostly related to my work/business/career life, which has been undergoing change for the past couple of years from a voice-over based existence to a photography-based world. There are so many new options! I’ve narrowed it down to 5 areas: photos, The Chat (and similar types of hosted content) teaching, speaking, writing. Those seemed like the natural areas, involving skills and talents I still enjoy using and that I think are both viable and fulfilling.

Hard lesson #1: You can’t develop them all simultaneously! Despite my best efforts, revving up in all those areas at once have made me really tired. Ha! My mind moves so fast that it all seems simple and, well, done already. Physical realms take a little longer. Actually, that’s the only hard lesson here. And it’s only hard for my brain… the rest of me is breathing a huge sigh of relief.

When Slower… Is Faster (or at least more efficient)

So I’ve been slowing down a bit… with the intent to allow things to emerge from within vs. grasp at them. Choose  priorities that will give me more peace and joy along this road AND get stuff done with half the effort. (because pushing, trying, staying up all night to achieve impossible goals is WAY too exhausting! You think I’d know this by know. Again I say… ha!).

Interestingly, I’ve been much more productive this way. No surprise there – just lovely to experience. More miracles occur. More income appears. More (awesome) opportunities arise, which are more aligned with my heart.  My brain still natters at me. It’s usually along the lines of: “…but you have to do this… and this… and this… and you haven’t don’t’ THIS done yet… nor this… nor this… fergodsakes, what’s WRONG with you!?” I’m beginning to smile patiently when I hear that, instead of jumping up for another round of the headless chicken dance.

Miracles Big & Small

Then, it seems more miracles occur. Sometimes they’re little ones… like the very person you needed to get in touch with, calls you out of the blue. Or, right on the day when you think you might be crazy, a breathtaking email from a recent post by Marie Forleo hits your inbox that nails your anxiety on the head and creates a new kind of focus, delight and calm. Or a cool blog post by Chase Jarvis  validates what you knew but needed to hear again. Now.

Sometimes they’re bigger… gigs popping up out of the blue to the tune of multiple zeros of income. Being asked to do a month-long gallery show… when your vision was to be asked to, um,  do a gallery show. It’s a small, show, granted… but the PURRRFECT opportunity to test run your vision to an adoring audience in a way that’s no pressure, involves free rein and makes your heart do handsprings (or would that be ventricle springs?) of joy. Not to mention the simple miracle of looking back and realizing you’re already WAY down the path of amazingness and that no matter how fussed-out you get about things, you’re doing great, even by your own ridiculously high standards.  I guess I should change “you” to “me”, since that IS what I’m talking about here! Miracles are miracles, no matter how big or small. They are all infused with magic and the desire to multiply.

That Leap of Faith

And here’s one of the most important bits I’m learning FOR SURE: you have to live as if all this stuff has already happened first.  Seems that’s the law. First… you envision what you want (to feel, do, have, whatever). Then you have to act as if it’s already yours. That’s the leap of faith bit. That’s where you have to be patient, focused, every-positive and relentless in your desire to be/do/feel/have/experience whatever it is. And you have to stick with it for as long as it takes. Which can be longer than you thought.

If you’re like me, you may find you’ve been doing it all backwards. I’ve always chosen the logical direction and then charged at it like a battering ram, instead of turning myself into an Awesome Life magnet. Man, is it both harder and easier than I imagined! Easier, because instead of figuring out all the details and setting ‘appropriate goals’ (I now know I’m always disappointed by those results)… I’m letting things emerge in a more effortless way. Harder, because of course, that emergence includes all the diatribes and one-liners that stopped me in my tracks before. Those have to be seen and released too. Part of me is even a little horrified to discover how much art matters to me. How deep it is. How that whole direction gives me such love and joy. Because logic was supposed to be more important. Only now I realize… logic has its place, but ruling my life just isn’t it.