Good Riddance, Summer: Hello Fall!

I’ll say it right here and now: “Good riddance, summer! Hello, sweet fall… ”

Sometimes, It’s Just Tough

I’ll admit it, summer sucked. I’m frankly stoked to be moving on from those hellish weeks. Over these past summer months, I needed to focus on backend admin/business systems stuff that had to be done, but am SO not gifted at doing myself, nor do I enjoy it. UGH! There were big learning curves and they were slooowww. But I plugged away at it for weeks – and eventually got it done. Not much photography got done, not much else besides slogging away behind a computer. REALLY not my happy place.

Where it went sideways was in my head for some reason; I had this weird stumble in terms of confidence and feeling good about stuff. Like, everything. It went to a dark place. Somewhere along the way, I got all off and judgy about myself, to the point of considering quitting and doing something else entirely. Luckily that last one didn’t last TOO long, only for the length of… summer! Blech! 😝

Mind you, I have really great self-care tools, from years and years of personal development work. I used ALL of them. Then had to get creative and develop a few more. Those voices in your head… man, you gotta stay on your toes to not start listening to them! I have a friend who says “My mind is out to kill me”. Mostly I think she overstates. But a few times over the past couple of months I actually thought she had a point!

Life itself really hadn’t changed, but suddenly I felt intense pressure about everything – and like a failure in certain areas on top of it. Like I’d made too many mistakes to recover from – and like my life just was never going to be as wonderful as I dreamed. And on and on from there. #Misery.

The ICK Overlay

At the same time, in the very same breath, I counted every one my blessings, looked around and saw the amazing things I’ve accomplished. What an amazing home I have, fabulous husband, friends. Yet, I couldn’t tell ANY of them how tortured I felt – and how I had feelings like nothing I do matters and how I felt like my dreams were slipping away.

It was like having this nasty overlay of ICK pressing down on top of what I really know is true and real in my life (the good stuff)… and having two clashing soundtracks playing LOUDLY at the same time. Definitely one helluva rackety dirge of misery!

My Bettylou-ism Of the Day

It was weird, I’ll tell you that. But something my mother taught me stuck with me (I call these “Bettylou-isms”).  Even on the worst days, this one was my shoehorn into eventually allowing a shift: “If it makes you feel bad, it’s a lie.” I kept thinking; “OK, so here I am… a talented, blessed person who has friggin’ LIES spewing in her head 24/7, keeping her awake at night, gnawing at her soul by day. Awesome!”

But knowing they were lies helped. I mean, I’ve had times like this in my youth, but not in a loooooonnnnng time. Back then I didn’t know those nasty critical voices weren’t really mine. This time I did, even if they had me by the short hairs for awhile.

So I did the one thing I know to do: focus on the light of all-that-is and hang in there. Just… Hang. In. There. EVERYTHING gets better, everything changes… and I’m not in control of how and when. I just know I have to choose the highest Light and focus on that.

One thing I finally had to step back from: social media. It is so NOT a confidence builder! I even stopped writing here on my blog for a bit – and spent as little time on my computer as possible. Every time I sat down in front of either or both, the voices got louder. My skin felt hot and prickly. It made me want to walk away and never look back.

On the bright and somewhat amusing side: all this crapiola was certainly not without humor ( if a little dark) and the appropriate theatrical expression. You’ll appreciate that I have THE movie moment (it played in my head ALOT) for this entire episode. You know how I movie moments.

It’s from “Inside Daisy Clover”, starring Natalie Wood – complete with French subtitles:

Yep, some nutbar moments there. I love how it all happens in a recording studio, which is kinda perfect in my world! Anyway, there it is: my summer in a nutshell.

Now: I’ve rolled over the hump and am motoring down the other side. WHEW! I’m sooo freaking glad! Right now, I’m not back on social as much as I was and I’ve had to simplify things in my life.  I’m getting back to my roots of photography… both on the ground and in the air. I’m starting to feel energy and excitement over what I do again… and about sharing it with all with you. I care about my purpose in life again… and love the way that feels in my veins.

So, bring it, fall… and HELLO to all the awesome stuff that has just happened and that’s coming up. KelbyOne, DJI, my Artist’s Voice Retreat in France, my stepson’s wedding at the end of October… me ‘n Valerie Jardin‘s photography project in Mexico in December, guest appearing on her new podcast: “Hit the Streets”. All upcoming, all will be shared… and all happening because I managed to remember a few simple things:

  1. If it makes you feel bad, it’s a lie.
  2. Focusing on Light is key.
  3. This too will pass. (another Bettyou-ism)

My humble thanks to God and the angels… and to those who love for as I am. Not perfect, but amusing to hang around. 😉

More SOOON!!

xoxoK

PS… Here a couple new recent pieces (one impressionistic, one more based in reality) I made after NOT creating anything new for WEEKS. It felt really good. Welcome back, creativity!

Both photographed with my favorite camera: the Fujifilm X-T2. Love that little beast like the old country! It gives me ideas and encourages me to try things… DEFINITELY my happy place!

fieldofabstraction

shiningbright

 

 

Finding Your Voice: Day 8. Shapes & Patterns.

Oh boy! It’s Day 8 in: “Finding Your Voice… 10 Days, 10 Concepts To Help You Find Your Photographic Voice.” 

Today, we’re going to wrap ourselves around…

Shapes and Patterns

A world without shapes or patterns is pretty much a blob. Ditto bones. 😉

Shapes and patterns are definitely important elements to watch for – and potentially build compositions around. But when it comes to your artist’s voice, you have to take it deeper. What shapes and patterns do you just go nuts over? Any and all? Organic ones? Geometric ones? Shapes and patterns in nature? Architecture? All of the above?

After you work that out – then the even bigger question to ask is why? How do those particular patterns make you feel? What kind of story/statement does that shape make? These answers are important to know, because they’ll tell you how to compose your shot, whether to wait for warm light, pink light or low light. Is the statement stronger in black and white? To know the answer,  you have to know what the statement IS in the first place. And that is all about you and your point of view…  your voice.

My favorite shape or pattern is ________.

Continue reading “Finding Your Voice: Day 8. Shapes & Patterns.”

Speaking Of New Stuff in 2015…

More New Stuff!

When last we spoke, I sneak peeked VIDA. Still super stoked about that; should have more to report soon! But wait, there’s more…

I’ve got a few more projects brewing in various stages… but one of them IS ready to share with y’all. (I love telling you guys first!)  This one’s just fun. Y’know, surprising. Delightful. It’s something I’ve been developing and using on my own photos. And I’m creating them with the awesome Tanya Wallis.

This “something” is in the textures/hues/overlays arena. Oh I know what you’re saying; jeez, there are TONS of those out there! Believe me, I know. Between Tanya and me, we’ve used quite a few of them. They’ve been cool, but more and more I’ve been craving something “extra” out of them. None were truly delivering the magic sauce just the way I wanted them to. It’s so subjective, I know. The thing was, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, yet I could see what I was after in my mind’s eye; which is like having an itch you can’t quite scratch. Maddening! So I decided to see if I could create my own. Enter Textures, Round One.

I asked Tanya her opinion on my first pass. She basically suggested (so kindly, yet in her typical pull-no-punches Aussie sort of way) that I take them further. Y’know, go more KHutt-style with ’em. Long story short, it was like being given the keys to the candy store!  I went to town and painted it…well, a lot more colors than red! And y’know what? They started turning out some unexpected and pretty cool results. 

Continue reading “Speaking Of New Stuff in 2015…”

The Rain Clears… Here Comes Fall Color!

First Rains of Autumn

The first rain of the fall is always so exciting. No, it’s not like watching paint dry! It smells amazing, invigorating the very air with… I dunno… stuff that make you feel all alive and spiffy.

The hubs and I are on a photo trip (I call it ‘photo tripping’) down the Eastern Sierras of California this week. We took off yesterday, as our first rains of autumn were pouring down. They came JUST in time to save us from one nasty wildfire that’s burned out of control for 3 weeks, working its way uncomfortably close to home. They turned the tide on that (thank God!) and have freshened up the scenery, washed away the dust which was dulling everything, and it’s made the colors pop, the air feel crisp and fresh… and the clouds do their mysterious, misty, moody show all day today. I’m in heavenly swirl of gratitude and appreciation of absolutely everything right now!

It was a loooooong summer. I promised myself that when I got my overly heaped plate of commitments large and small properly wrangled.. my reward was going on a photo trip.
Welcome to KHutt Rewards Week. Let the fun begin… 😀

This was a little bunch of rabbit brush overlooking Grant Lake yesterday morning. If you’re allergic to this stuff… it’s misery on a stem. If you’re not… it’s the perfect start to a colorful, awesome season!

DayInTheSun